Hi, this is your temporary secretary. I know you don’t recognize me–I’ve been working here as a floater from the ICU for merely a week now, and have yet to be introduced.
I’m sorry that I don’t know all your names. There are so many of you, you see, so many chatting together around the center station while I’m trying to answer the phone. I apologize that I told you to be quiet–the woman was calling from her cellphone about her dying husband, and through the static and the tears and your rather stimulating account of last weekend she couldn’t understand my directions.
Yes, I understand that stat orders must be done now. I would love to enter them into the computer in a timely fashion, if you would give me the chart instead of taking it with you to the breakroom. Of course I should have reminded you–perhaps if you had not been so busy explaining how the breakroom is off-limits to me and how stupid I am before you slammed the door in my face I would have done so.
I’ll be happy to call Dr. God to explain why the orders were not entered, taking full responsibility–I am the secretary, after all. That’s why I get paid the big bucks. While I’m at it, I will redo all these charts. Of course I should have checked to ensure that you noted the orders I entered. Please excuse my ignorance–I had assumed that flagging the chart and placing it on your “to note” shelf was sufficient.
I understand that I have made you look bad in front of the doctors. In the future I will try to remind you more than once that when an order says “call me with results”, you call the doctor with those results. Yes, I will page him for you. I will also apologize to the doctor for you when he calls back from the OR and you have left the floor. I’m sorry I told him the patient’s complete metabolic panel results–it was your job, after all, but he asked me to read them to him since you were unavailable and he was on a tight schedule.
Yes, I did make fresh coffee. I’m sorry the aroma is unpleasing–the doctors are rounding, and I thought they could use a fresh pot. I apologize for pouring out the pot you made. It had been sitting there since noon, and I didn’t realize you prefer your coffee burnt. Of course I will clear your desk immediately. I really should have done it sooner, but the orders seemed to be more important. I won’t make that mistake again.
Now that the doctors are gone, I will be happy to hold all calls while you sit in the breakroom. You have a hard job, after all, and you do deserve these small moments to yourself. I know you’re getting ready for report so I will happily admit three new patients without bothering you. I didn’t mean to assign them to the wrong rooms–we only had four empty beds, so I assumed I couldn’t go wrong. Yes, I will change all their charts, print new forms and labels, and instruct the CNAs to transfer these patients.
I realize that an hour before report you don’t like to get new patients–the ER was full, you see, and I figured that since we have the staff and space…You’re right. I should have told them to wait until after report. Three hours isn’t very long, after all, and the ER nurses are bitches anyway. I should probably mention that I need to go to the pharmacy to pick up some meds–they are understaffed at the moment and can’t spare anyone to bring them up.
Is that right? Oh, I didn’t realize I should have done that before I admitted new patients. I thought I would wait since the new patients need meds, too, and some of those orders are stat orders. I’m sorry I didn’t remind you of that–I did knock, but you responded by locking the breakroom door.
Thank you for your instructions. I’ll do better next time.
–Miranda
ETA: This is me being sarcastic. If you read this, and think I’m talking about you, well, I wasn’t. But in that case, you might want to change your management style. Just sayin’. Also, to be perfectly clear, I don’t think ER nurses are bitches. Except for the ones who are, should they exist.
ETA2: Sorry about the comment moderation–I can’t take it off. It says it isn’t on, yet it still asks me to moderate messages. I have no idea.
notratched said,
July 21, 2007 at 5:47 pm
LOL! This made me crack up. ERs wouldn’t run without the secretaries: I could see that from volunteering there a few days. Soon they’ll recognize your brilliance after your trial by fire, I’ll bet.
This sounds great! « How I Spent My Nursing Education said,
July 24, 2007 at 11:31 pm
[...] July 24th, 2007 in hospitals, work I read this post over at O, Brave New World, and all I could think is how much I really want that ICU Unit [...]
SeaSpray said,
July 25, 2007 at 12:59 am
Wow! Bad Day or entire week? Is it because you are a floater? No excuse for being rude and inconsiderate! People like that are ignorant. I can understand a bad day or stressful times but constantly – well that is just wrong. the hospital I worked in we were mostly team players! What do they mean you can’t come into the break room? Aren’t you part of the department when working there?
I have worked ER registration/op/SDS/Admitting for 20 years and I can’t imaginr being treated like that! Actually when I do go back to work this fall i was planning on working in a doctors office for better hours – no holidays but I am toying going back to a hospital but either a larger one in our system or a different community one where I live. I was toying with starting as a per diem floater to see if I would like unit secretary work. ER is my love but i wouldn’t mind trying med/surg etc..
So you like the work as a unit secretary? Any advice? Sounds real busy which is fine with me as I am used to ER.
Interesting post!
SeaSpray said,
July 25, 2007 at 1:11 am
I hope it is alright that I add you to my blogroll.
mielikki said,
July 25, 2007 at 3:15 am
I did your job when I was a student nurse. On a tele floor. Where my sister was the charge nurse.
It was just like you described. But then, one day, they got used to me.
Then I left!
hee hee.
may said,
July 25, 2007 at 7:41 am
yhou are being abused! our secretaries are never treated like that! they are our little angels. come work wiht us:)
Marlee said,
July 25, 2007 at 8:28 am
Thanks for the smile I know how true it is. Ever see floor nurses panic/bitch though when a clerk calls in sick and there’s no replacement? Our clerks don’t do orders though and they get real upset.
From a RNA/CNA/LPN or what ever else you wanna call me.
miranda5 said,
July 25, 2007 at 9:15 am
NotRatched: Hee. Not likely–they’d have to actually, you know, speak to me first.
SeaSpray: Of course you can. I’m honored.
Mielikki: That’s what I should do…no, not really. I love my ICU, but I hate the floor. It isn’t the work, it’s the bitch–uh, I mean, people.
May: Honey, if I lived near you, I’d love to work with you. I’d give my left arm for the chance…okay, so I wouldn’t go that far. But I do work with some great people, and a few soreheads.
Marlee: Yeah, I’ve seen the panic. I was there to alleviate the panic. Then the panic turned into bitchiness. Seriously, how much drama can a floor stand?
Mama Mia said,
July 27, 2007 at 3:16 pm
Great post, Miranda. I am really good friends with the unit ward clerk on my unit (Emerg) and she seems to have had similar experiences to yours… BTW, my name is Mama, and I’m glad to meet you. I know that I couldn’t survive without you!
cheryl said,
September 21, 2007 at 3:40 am
Nice blog, and as a nurse who has worked at the same hospital in Med/surg, ICU and now the ER….I have a sneaking suspicion that you are not exaggerating. I have experienced the same sort of treatment when I had floated to floors from the ICU. Even from people I had worked with for three years before transferring to the unit. I
t wasn’t until I had gone to the ER that I experienced how mean and unprofessional people can be to each other…and no, I don’t mean the ER staff, I mean the floors that the patients are being admitted to. My nurse manager explained to me that a call from us means more work for them, so some of the overt rudeness should be taken with a grain of salt. I have a bit of trouble with that since I’m also very busy and when someone is a jerk to me because a patient is being admitted (which I have no more control over than they do) it bothers me. This behavior decreases morale so quickly, and affects our patients.
Whenever anyone floats to the ER, I know they are afraid. But, I reassure them that we won’t ask them to do anything they aren’t comfortable with, and if they don’t feel safe doing something then to let us know. We treat them like gold. We have had a few people whose first experience in the ER since nursing school put in to a transfer to the ER and they said it was because they saw how well we work together, and how well they treated them. And, funny thing is, that is exactly why I had transferred to the ER too. (That…and hott medics
cheryl said,
September 21, 2007 at 3:43 am
Sorry, parts of that post are a little poorly written, but you get the idea…after all it’s 0340 and I’m getting ready for another lovely 12hr day in paradise.
gesundheit said,
March 11, 2009 at 6:24 am
Sehr wertvolle Informationen! Empfehlen!